10 Reasons the Tween Years Are Important Parenting Years

It gives me great pleasure to welcome Suzanna Narducci as a guest with some valuable advice to parents of ‘tweens’.  Suzanna is co founder of Tweenparent.com, a place where you can find an abundance of articles, advice and resources for parents of preteens aka 9-13 year olds.

If you would like to find out more about Suzanna you can connect with her on Twitter by clicking on the image below.

Making the Transition to Independence

The tween years bridge the gap between the kid years and the teen years.  During this time kids become more independent and their peers’ views gain importance.  They are exposed to the cyber world, are increasingly aware of media influences, and in some cases experience pressure from peers related to alcohol and sex.

Parents need to understand appropriate boundaries, encourage appropriate independence, and have a clear understanding of the challenges their children will face as they grow up.

Social Issues Become More Complicated

As they grow up, preteens’ friendships grow in importance and sometimes take precedence over family life.  This is a healthy phase of development and one of the many steps children take in terms of gaining a sense of self.

Most kids, however, haven’t learned how to negotiate the challenges these friendships will bring.  Parents need to learn to be active listeners so they can support positive behavior, help their children establish boundaries and learn to recognize healthy friendships.

Exposure to Facebook, Texting and Other Social Media

Social media is to us is like rock and roll was to our parents.  We may think that we understand it and even use some of the tools available, but our kids will always be the experts.  Unlike rock and roll, social media causes a lot of harm if not appropriately handled.  It is important for parents to be aware of all the platforms available and to talk about all the potential repercussions.

Bullying and the Viral Repercussions of Cyberbullying

Bullying, unfortunately, has always been an issue among peers.  As children get older, their friends take on greater importance and they become less communicative with their parents. This makes this age group of kids more vulnerable to potential bullying.  The viral nature of the internet magnifies the effect of bullying.

What used to be a localized humiliation among peers from one community can now be spread across multiple on-line communities of acquaintances.  Parents need to know how to engage in active listening so they can offer support when needed and be aware of their children’s activity on the internet.

Laying the Foundation for Positive Adult Relationships

Peer friendships are a wonderful opportunity for our kids to get to know themselves better and develop a good understanding of what it means to engage in a healthy relationship.  Friendships give kids the chance to develop positive communication skills, have respectful disagreements, be interdependent, and share mutual empathy.

Parents need to be there to support their kids while going through this process and help them differentiate positive friends from the negative the ones.

Puberty

As we all know, the advent of sexual maturity is a time of major upheaval in the life of a pre-teen.  During this stage, not only do our children’s bodies go through a rapid phase of development, but recent studies show that their brains also go through a developmental shift affecting the way that kids process information.

In addition, there is a psychological component. What kids take from this stage of life impacts how they will view themselves as adults.  Parents need to understand all the potential implications of puberty and help their kids keep perspective.

Access to Porn

The widespread availability of porn via the internet should be a cause of great concern to parents of pre-teens.  This is not the porn of previous generations.  Now, porn is often a graphic portrayal of sexual cruelty and brutality.  Easy access means that viewers repetitively view videos and can become desensitized.

The constant association of arousal with these images can cause inability to make healthy, intimate attachments later on in life.  Parents need to be aware of their children’s on-line habits and actively discuss what it means to be in a wholesome relationship.

Managing the Potentially Addictive Qualities of Gaming

Each year, kids are spending a greater percentage of their time in front of a screen.  Often, even the most diligent child finds it hard to pry them self away from the game of their choice.  Video games are designed to simultaneously challenge and give the player a sense of achievement.

For pre-teens, who are working hard to achieve competence in school both socially and in their education, the gaming world can become very enticing. Parents need to actively listen to their kids, offer alternatives to screen time, set limits, and create opportunities to spend time together as a family.

Managing a Larger Volume of Homework and Higher Expectations

School expectations significantly increase when our kids become pre-teens.  They need to manage more homework, long-term assignments, multiple classes and teachers, and after-school activities.  Staying organized is the key to managing all this additional responsibility.  Parents can help their kids by teaching them how to manage their assignments and extra-curricular activities with a school planner.

Expecting More Responsibility and Accountability

As parents, one of our main goals is to raise children who will become independent, confident, well-adjusted adults.  Parents can support their pre-teen’s need to become independent by allowing them to take small and appropriate steps towards autonomy. Each step will naturally require more responsibility and accountability.

There will be both successes and setbacks in the process.  It is important for parents to celebrate the successes with their kids and talk through the setbacks.  After all, the pre-teen years are just a dress rehearsal for the grown-up world.

Many thanks to Suzanna for her fascinating and informative article.  Please do, let Suzanna know if you have any questions or if you would like to share your own experiences using the comments facility below.

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* Image credits

Negative – Sean MacEntee Flickr

Game Over – I am I can Encaja en CAMON Flickr