I am really delighted to bring you this excellent guest post from the esteemed blogger Christina Kingston.

You can follow Christina on Twitter: @CtKscribe.
And visit her website at: CtKingston.com.

1. Your Name Shouted in a Crowded Room

Normally we’re comfortable hearing a person say our name. Hearing our names makes us feel noticed, helps us to better engage. When our name is shouted out amidst a group of strangers it’s cringe-worthy!
“Hold it down! We’re right here!”

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2. A Drunkard’s Babble

Boozehounds are loud, obnoxious and annoying. They can easily hurt the ears with their slurred words and random expletives. They are the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard.
“OMG take it to rehab!”
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3. The Home Alone Doggy

Why do they abandon that sweet puppy all day long? It’s unnerving and sad. Every time the animal howls, an angel weeps. Every time it barks to let us know that it’s lonely and needs love, somewhere in the world, the rains begin.
“Pet your pooch!”

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4. Constant Construction

What the hell are they building over there? It would be fine if they pounded the nails when you’re not at home, but the jackhammer jacking around early morning is unacceptable.
“I didn’t sign up for this!”

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5. Cats Doing the Nasty

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The screeching sound of kitties having sex is probably as bad as a convict on Death Row screaming from his prison cell that he didn’t commit the crime. Cats have spikes on their penises. That may be why it’s not the same kind of lovemaking us humans are used to.
“Hello Kitty, GET A ROOM!”

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6. Alarm Clock

Sure, we are the ones who set the clock, but the sound is annoying and we don’t want to get up just because we have to. And surely we don’t want a machine telling us what to do. The snooze button gives us back our power, but only for 10 minutes. It’s a constant conundrum of whether to dominate the device or cave in to our daily commitments.
“Hey clock, you’re not the boss of me!
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7. Squeaky Shoes

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Anyone who has ever gotten an earful of someone’s sweaty feet stepping in shoddy footwear across the linoleum hopefully has an iPod to block it out with. This squeaking is also an earsore for the person who is wearing the offending shoes. No one wants everyone to hear their every step.
“Yo, get new shoes!”

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8. The Dentist’s Drill

Hideous. But hey, you ate crap, didn’t floss so now your teeth are rotting like last week’s fast food forgotten in the back of the fridge. We all have to put up with this scary noise, but my goodness, it sucks!
“We. Must. Floss.”


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9. Ice Cream Truck Jingle

Ice cream is so yummy, but this archaic neighborhood delivery system can put us off our sweets. It seems most ice cream trucks only have one song and it’s not a full one, it simply loops a 30 second part over and over constantly and then over again. Crazy! Newbies to this noise often think it’s cozy, homey and charming until they hear it for the 100th time.
“I scream, you scream, we all scream to ban ice cream music!”
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10. Spontaneous Flatulence

When silence is broken by the bothersome ruckus of someone’s bowels, we get upset. Some may find it amusing until the waftrons float past their noses. The worst part of spontaneous flatulence is being startled by something so low brow. If, for instance, Mozart was playing from a passing car we might appreciate getting our art-on for a second. Hearing flatulence, or even a burp, is not like that. It’s more like unexpectedly hearing a pervert unzip his pants or being pointedly tapped on the shoulder by the IRS man.
“Plug it up!”
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•• What noises bug YOU the most?
•• Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below.

Top 10 list of the stupid crap idiocies going on in the OC every day

A great guest list from Rachel Thompson.  If you like what you see here then you must visit Rachel’s excellent Giltfree Blog.

You can follow @RachelintheOC on Twitter or on her blog: http://giltfree.blogspot.com for more musings, such as why men do weird stuff.

I live in Orange County, CA (a.k.a. “the OC”) known for its beaches, gorgeous weather, and tall, tan, blonde people.

I am a petite (that’s an OC word), pale redhead.

There are several stereotypes I fight against daily living here: vapid blondes, fake boobs, luxury cars, high heels, conservatives.

Actually, all that really does exist. What the hell am I thinking?

Herein, a Top 10 list of the stupid crap idiocies going on in the OC every day:

10) OC drivers LOVE their SUVs. Particularly their luxury SUVs. They particularly love to drive said luxury SUVs at high speeds on the demilitarized war zones, er, streets of the OC in order to cut you off, especially if you have the gall to signal that you’d like to change lanes. How dare you.

Parking those behemoths is something else altogether. Given that these drivers (sigh, women) have never parked anything bigger than their teenage-boy sized asses on an upscale barstool before and are now expected to maneuver something akin to a small school bus into a compact car spot while chatting on their cell phones—well. Need I go further?

9) On that same note, mothers driving their obligatory luxury SUVs in school parking lots don’t feel that California laws, such as that pesky little one like stopping for cute tiny preschool pedestrians, applies to them. They have a tennis lesson with their obligatory hot trainer to get to, by God.

8) If you are female, it is imperative that one has one’s toenails painted at all times or risk side-eye persecution. It is written.

7) If one is actually walking one’s child into school, one must be dressed in the obligatory designer jogging suit, full-on diamonds and carefully applied makeup, even though it’s only 8AM. 5-inch heels not optional.

6) Southern California is the fake boob capital of the world. Apparently, having double Ds makes up for a multitude of sins. However, when you see tits up at shoulder level, you can’t help but stare. Things have clearly gotten out of, er, hand.

5) Many OC girls learn at an early age that carrying a $100 Juicy Couture backpack to school is just not good enough. Neither will mummy’s Louis Vuitton castoff do. It is a brand new Tods or risk tantrum city, thus giving rise to the ability of handling manipulation and bitterness at a young age. This comes in handy in the future when headed for divorce number three.

4) Despite their English teacher’s best efforts, children in the OC will pepper their language with regional phrases such as “like” and “you know” and “dude,” well into their forties. Many times salvation comes too late, resulting in  questionable career choices, often with “guru” in the job title.

3) OC men in their forties who still say “dude” may live in a shack, but will proudly drive their BMWs and Mercedes like idiots. (Once passing me on the right at high speed, in a school zone, plowing into a very large, very slow-moving vehicle. Hehe.)

2) Ah, the duck lips. You’ll be hard-pressed to enter any bar, restaurant, or heck, even a Starbucks in the OC without encountering that creature known as the duck-lipped female—usually accompanied by the aforementioned fake boobage. To be fair, she is usually escorted by the hair-plugged male with the Porsche keychain, who in actuality drives a Hyundai tricked out with a leather bra. And chrome rims.

1) And finally, religion and politics seem to be a big deal here; but only if you are on the far right on both counts. I’m neither (Jewish and liberal please, stand up). I’m also a pale redhead with real boobs. Huh…I wonder if there’s some kind of karmic connection there.

Let me check with Shirley MacLaine and I’ll get back to you…

The Top Ten Things Irking The Hell Out Of Me In General

Great title for a great guest post from Chrissa.

If you like this you will like her ‘A Little Wicked’ Blog so check it out and follow her on Twitter @Chrissarella

Censorship.

Yeah, I know. Overdone. Tough. It PISSES me off. Not just on the music, TV, entertainment level though.  Have you ever heard of the Parent Television Council? If you want a good laugh, or a good reason to be pissed off, check them out.  They feel that they are the only ones qualified to make the decision what kind of TV shows we should be allowed to watch.  As if I didn’t have the mental capability to look at a show and say “hey, maybe this is too graphic for my child. I think I’ll save it for later.”  Because as an adult, I shouldn’t be able to choose what I watch either, right?!  And all of this is type of censorship is coming out again with California’s new law about selling toys with meals.  Should this not be the choice of parents?  Or better yet, should this not be the RESPONSIBILITY of parents?  I’m sorry if some lazy, weak-willed, unhealthy, uncaring parent decides to feed their child McDonald’s every meal.  As a real parent, I keep that down to special occasions, maybe twice a month if that.  But making this law, they are also taking away the rights of business owners to sell their merchandise. It’s not Burger King’s fault kids are fat. It is the stupid parents.

Parents.

Since I’m on this subject anyway we’ll just go here next. I am a parent. I am not perfect, and I’m sure I’ve made a lot of mistakes.  Hell, I’ll probably make a lot more. However, I try and do my best. Other parents irk the hell out of me. Some of the most ridiculous stuff seems to occur, where common sense should have stepped in.  How hard is it to say “No.” I have no issue saying this word to my children. In fact, it has become my two-year-old’s favorite at-the-moment word. I’m not a hard ass. I just know how to pick my battles. Exactly how are you prepping your kids for the future, if you are letting them run the show now?

Unavailable/800 Numbers.

Short and sweet. If you come up on my Caller ID as either “unavailable” or with an 800 number, you will not be answered.  Unless I am in a bad mood and need someone to take that out on. Then? Sure, I’ll answer.

Automated Phone Services.

Particularly voice automated.  On the occasion I need to call a business, for example my phone company, I want to talk to a person. What if, for hell’s sake, my issue is not on your “press this number for” list?  Add those “say yes for” options?  You’ve already succeeded in pissing me off in the first 30 seconds.  My house is noisy.  I have 3 children.  And every time I get on the phone they seem to think that is the best time to talk to me.  Or scream.  “If you’d like this option, please say ‘yes’ now.” “MOMMY!” “I’m sorry, that answer is not recognized. Please say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ now.” “He’s climbing the bookshelf!” “I’m sorry…” By the time I get to a real person, without hanging up, I’m ready to rip their usually non-understandable English heads off, whether or not they want to really help me.

Online Jerks

I have other terms for those that are in my head right now. I’ll behave. Mostly. I’m talking about these morons who search for any little opening to start a fight. They will take the simplest comment and twist it around until they can start something with you. Why? These are probably the idiots who are too wimpy and skirtish to stand up for themselves in public. So, they hide behind their monitors and try and bully. Also in this category? The dumb asses who get sucked into their game and try and argue it out with them. I’m not talking about those who calmly state their points. I’m talking the ones that jump in and start their mudslinging right along with the bully. The ones who end up on crusades to get this other person put in their place.

Know-it-alls.

I’ll start with online here. Get this straight: I don’t care how you think I should talk on twitter.  Nor do I care who you think I should be friending, or how you think I could get more followers.  I like my followers. I don’t really care about the number, I just want to be myself, and meet really cool people. I’m not here for my business, or to find work. Just people. Also, if I want to bitch about something, even if I’m joking, I will. Why do you care? If you don’t like what I’m saying, don’t listen. Or, unfollow me.
In the “real” world, these would be the people who know exactly how you should be living, even down to the way you fold your clothes.  I might make a comment that I put A1 Sauce in my meatloaf mix, and they would be the ones to sit there and tell me how I should be adding Worcestershire Sauce instead, because after all it is the best way.

My Deliveranc-esque Neighbors

I’m not high society.  I’m a geek, who lives in a very redneck area. Yeah, I know. It sucks. My neighbors are friendly enough, but they look and act like they stepped right out of the Ewell household in To Kill A Mockingbird. Their house is a trailer. Well, pieces of a trailer. Somewhere in all that junk scattered on the property, is the remnant of their old trailer. The one they claim Katrina wiped out. Which of course had to have happened, since we live in Pennsylvania. And by junk, I mean the pieces of old vehicles, appliances, boats, toys… I seriously think this is where the garbage company sneaks their trucks to at night. In all honesty, I can handle the junk. It stays on their property. What doesn’t stay on their property? Their annoying little dog. The Pug likes to “visit” my yard daily.  Or more specifically my front porch. Here, he likes to leave me smelly little presents, and knock over my garbage. If my dog is outside The Pug will stand just out of reach of his chain, which results in my little dog nearly strangling himself to fend his territory.

People who “own” the shopping aisles.

I have to shop with a 6yo and two, yes two, 2yos. Not only is that frantic enough, I have to use those big ass carts that feel like you are trying to push a mini van around.  They are hard to steer, and they take a lot of room. By aisle 3, I am usually in a frantic state of mind. As I round that corner trying to quickly get through I am stopped suddenly in my tracks.  And why is this? Because there is a cart parked perfectly in the middle of the aisle, with the owner standing at least 5 feet away reading the labels on every can of corn.  I am not the kind of person to mess with someone else’s cart, so I stand there waiting. And do they politely move their cart? Nope. They continue to scan every item on the shelf.  I finally get myself past, and around the next corner, and there they are again. Or another. In every aisle.

Wrong Way Drivers

You know those HUMOUNGOUS yellow arrows in the parking lot? Yeah, they are there for a reason. So when I get to the empty space before you, and use it, don’t give me your dirty looks. If you’d have been going the right way, you’d not have had people almost backing into you, or that weird angle to try and maneuver your car into.

Ladybugs

If you live in the country, you’ll understand this.  I am not big on bugs in general. Actually, I’m not big on anything with more than four legs. The more legs, the more if creeps me out. But Ladybugs take the cake for me. I’m not afraid of them. I just entirely abhor them. Every year, just as winter is over, they come out. In hoards. And they seem to think my house is their perfect new abode. I can count 9 on my ceiling right now. The first time one actually flew into my mouth while I was in bed, I declared war.  I used to keep an empty water bottle in my room, so at night I’d just knock them off the ceiling, walls, lamps and every other surface into this container. After a month, the bottle was full. I get dive-bombed sitting at my computer in the dark. After you’ve dug a few out of your cleavage, they aren’t seeming so lady-like anymore.

I do know what she means!! Many thanks Chrissa.